invite and details here

you are a marvel

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach out children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.
Pablo Casals 






I'm sure I'll have a child and I think it will be a boy, but if it's a girl Im bet she will look something like this little girl a friend saw on the beach in Mexico. 

but before I get my big belly on I want to adopt. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I got re-inspired after I spoke with this wonderful photographer ( http://www.lisakristine.com/home.html ) who is doing a project with us at Free the Slaves. She shared adorable pictures of her two adopted children and told me about the grueling, but fulfilling process. I think it would be SO worth it

maybe George was right....maybe I will have 5 kids with my very very hot man

who knows...

since that isn't happening right away I'd like to tell you something....


YOU are a marvel 

my yoga teacher read this in class yesterday.....

"I think feelings waste themselves in words; they ought to be distilled into actions and into actions which bring results." ~ Florence Nightingale

...... the hardest thing to express in words and exactly what I've been thinking lately

Larry

Larry is a 66 year old with a severe case of cerebral palsy. He can't walk or speak, it appears he can't do anything on his own. The first couple days I spent with Larry I couldn't identify very much expression. I only saw sign language for yes, no, bathroom, and his medication soma ( which is a peace sign :) Then I started to distinguish his smile and watched how people handled him who have known him for a long time. He wasn't as fragile as he looked. I started to understand "yeah" as an excited response to "are you having a good time?" or "do you want to dance?" I watched his counselor dress him, feed him, put him to bed, help him go to the bathroom, shower him, I wanted to help the girl, but I made up I wasn't qualified to handle Larry. I hadn't had my Larry moment.
A few days in to camp we were loading out of the vans and I snagged little Larry, cradled him in my arms, and just kept holding him instead of putting him back in his wheel chair. As we were walking back to the house I was joking with him about how he uses that wheel chair way to much and how I should just carry him from now on. He formed his excited "YEAH" with a smile and we plopped down on a couch outside. He used what little control he has of his arms and wrapped them around me and put his head on my shoulder. A few friends had circled around us to see what all the excitement was about, take a photo, and get in on the Larry love. We were tickled by the smile and happiness he was expressing, I was having my Larry moment. As if the love wasn't being expressed clearly enough through the snuggling and smiling, Larry formed the words loud and clear. " I LOVE YOU!" I could feel Larry's love before he even said it, hearing it was a gift.
In the 12 days I spent with Larry I never heard him say anything else. My housemate, who took the photo, said he's never heard Larry make a sentence.
Since camp ended I've been so present to the power or words and more importantly how they FEEL. It's so easy for the people that are blessed with speech to say things like I love you, to apologize, and to forgive. But Larry got me thinking... How often do we use our words as a crutch to create something inside of us that we desire, but might not truly be present? Is it possible for us to shut our mouths and feel? It seems like taking that on would allow so much more space for human connection. you say I love you, but can that person really feel your love? you say I apologize, but can that person really feel your apology? you say I respect you, but can that person really feel your respect? you say I forgive you, but can that person really feel your forgiveness?  Of course, in the end, the person on the receiving side is the one who determines those feelings. However, if my intention is to tell someone I respect them I would I would look to see if any of my actions would make them feel otherwise. Actions speak louder than words, right?  But it's so easy for us to just talk. I've had a tough time expressing myself since camp. Well, it feels like I have anyway. It seems like words diminish the feeling backing them and everything gets mixed up into a big pile of miscommunication.
So, I'm committed to finding the balance between action & words, expression & silence, and being as beautiful expressed as Larry. That "I love you" will be felt forever.

“Some people do not have to search, for they find their niche early in life and rest there seemingly contented and resigned.

At times, I envy them but usually I do not understand them…

And seldom do they understand me.

I am one of those searchers.

There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we completely content.

We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand.

We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn to the ocean, taken by its power and unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty.

We like forests, mountains, deserts, hidden rivers, and lovely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as our laughter. We are ambitious only for life itself and for anything beautiful it can provide.

Most of all, we want to love and be loved, to live in a relationship that will not impede our wanderings and prevent our search.

We do not want to prove ourselves to others or compete for love.

This passage is for wanderers, dreamers, and lovers who dare to ask of life everything which is good and beautiful.”

Main Entry: ¹taw·ny 

Pronunciation: \ˈtȯ-nē, ˈtä-nē\

Function: adjective

Inflected Form(s): taw·ni·er; taw·ni·est

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French tané, tauné, literally, tanned, from past participle oftanner to tan

Date: 14th century

1 : of the color tawny
2 : of a warm sandy color -the lion's tawny coat-

— taw·ni·ness noun

Leo Horoscope for week of June 17, 2010 The ancient Greek philosopher Plato advocated the use of dogs in courtrooms.  He thought that canines were expert lie detectors; that they always knew when  deceit was in the air. I suspect you'll display a similar talent in the coming days,  Leo.You will have a sixth sense about when the truth is being sacrificed for  expediency, or when delusions are masquerading as reasonable explanations, or when the ego's obsessions are distorting the hell out of the soul's authentic understandings.  Harness that raw stuff, please.  Use it discreetly, surgically, and with compassion.    I usually read Susan Miller horascopes on the first of the month and forget it all by the 2nd,  but a friend directed me here today and it's exactly what I needed to hear.  Compassion is always available, the harness however could be tightened.  "Everyone gets to take as long as they want before waking up to the realization that life is a love game! game on" sooo the wise owl meets the strong lion. I can do that. It's so hard to see a loved one playing with fire and not say "HELLO?!?! IF YOU PLAY WITH FIRE YOU'RE GONNA GET BURNED"  but it's like asking a child not to press the big red button.  We all want to put out finger through the flame to see if we can withstand the heat.  I'll just sit back and pray your doing it with your eyes open.

most people can't sleep with their contacts in..... I've had mine in for months. This can't be good. 

I want new eyeglasses. Mine are too little for my big head. 

anyone have any good sights, stores, or brands I should check out????

"As we expand, we melt. Our hearts open. Our thinking changes. Our obsessions subside, our addictions quietly pass away. This is the slow, elegant, loving process through which, little by little, we let go of the old and welcome the new. We open our hearts and allow in a few more people, just a few more relationship experiences, just a few more kinds of relationships. We learn there are no mistakes, and our hearts become a circle so large that there are no more boundaries, no differences, no judgments. We know the graciousness of that great undivided familiarity, in which there are no more strangers, only friends.
We stretch, and to our amazement we don’t break. Instead, we grow. Suddenly, everything becomes easier, and our hearts, which once we believed could love only one person, or were battered so badly we thought they could never love again, expand so fully that the whole world is welcome. In such a state of openness, we see that we’ve only forgotten how to be together, we faintly and beautifully remember that once we were all together. We remember the way we were in a universe of incredible softness where there were no edges, no walls, no mind games, no rules. In that incredible world, we were happy. We loved one another. It wasn’t a feeling. It was a state of being called joy.
The future of love is this all-encompassing embrace. For when we have expanded so much, we will finally arrive at a place where the heart can open its doors to everything and everyone. Our souls have been taking us on this journey and Love is the magnificent destination to which they have been leading us. Now we can feel joy. Now, at last, we can be satisfied. Now, finally, we are home.
"

— Daphne Rose Kingma

kittens inspired by kitten

thats what I call a deep breath

Guillaume Nery, Fiction Dean's Blue Hole. from Hacomar Diepa Perdomo on Vimeo.

How's your heart?

I'm working on asking myself that BUT without any ideas of how it "should" be or how it "normally" is. Our ability to lose our truth has frightened me recently.
Truthfully....Hows your heart?

10 days until ceremony

let the cleansing begin

The Workshop

The Workshop

a space where your hands, your voice and our actions come together to create positive change in communities across the globe

 The new owner of Active ride shop teamed up with Toms, Obey Awareness, Krochet Kids, and falling whistles to inspire community. Here is what was said in the press release.....

"Active Ride Shop has a mission to change the US Retail Market by igniting positive change within The Workshop, a multidimensional in-store environment that invites shoppers to play a dynamic role in positively shaping the lives of individuals in local communities and developing communities around the world.

While the broader initiative, Work & Progress exists to advance the cause-related visions of both Active’s partners and communities, The Workshop will actually be a physical installation space created to engage, educate, equip and empower consumer experience.

Active Ride Shop President Esmail Mawjee commented: “The Workshop is a multidimensional environment within a larger Active retail setting that we hope will deeply enrich every shopper’s experience. Our vision is to provide a clear pathway for positive impact through a collective action on a local and global scale and we hope this will create a culture that other retailers will catch on to and will elevate emerging non-profits and their missions’."

I attended this event to track down the guys behind Falling Whistles. It was a "you have to meet this guy" situation so I actually rallied some of my housemates and went all the way over to Santa Monica :) 

sailor got an adorable ADOPT shirt by Obey that she plans on wearing "everyday this summer" :)

First off, I gotta say, it is such an honor to live in a place where people are taking action and coming together for events like this. It makes leaving our love shack way more exciting. 

Sean Carasso the CEO of Falling Whistles and his amazing team immediately enrolled us in their mission to rehabilitate war-affected children in Congo and advocate for their freedom. 

I recommend going to their website to get the whole story on why Sean is doing what he's doing, but basically during a trip to Congo he learned about children being forced to join the militia even if they're too small to hold guns. If a child is too small to hold a gun or pull a trigger they are put on the front lines with nothing but a whistle. Their job is to wait for the enemies, make as much noise as possible to scare them away, and then receive the first round of bullets. I'm familiar with stories like this one, yet staring into the eyes of someone who has seen it and then hearing their experience of it is inconceivable. HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING?!?! I gather my disbelief and go back to the question I ask myself everyday..... How can we make it STOP?  

Since child soldiers are definitely considered slaves, Sean and I exchanged the typical activist discussion.... "When, where, and how can we join forces, get everyone on the planet to join us, and bring slavery to an end?!?!" usually spoken really fast with an excited how could you say no to that kinda tone. 

This guy is on fire and I like it. Inspiration station. Time to brainstorm.....

Go to fallingwhistles.com and buy a whistle. They're hot

The Workshop: Step Inside Event from Austin Flack on Vimeo.

Declare your independence from slavery this 4th of July

What if you weren't FREE? Free to do as you please, free to celebrate... This 4th of July while we're celebrating our freedom lets consider the 27 million people in slavery. Here is an opportunity for you to do WHATEVER you can with those 2 beautiful hands.

 "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”

click here for party info

sing away your grief

This is Heatherbird

She smiles with her half moon eyes and sees the world so beautifully

"I have a blank canvas" she said last night as she shared her experience after the accident 

"I have a fire inside of me and if someone or something doesn't ignite times a thousand i'll go elsewhere"

time is precious

Her car flipped over itself 3 times, leaving only her window intact. She woke up hanging from her seat belt, car upside down, and on fire. 

If I don't get out of here I'm going to die 

she pulled her legs out from under the smashed steering wheel, kicked out her window, gripped the ground and pulled herself out 

the broken glass cut the backside of her 

that was her only injury 

I've said she sings like an angel, but she is an angel. I'm thankful for every moment I spent with this amazing lioness, I always have and I always will 

last night was filled with more savory moments with my twin soul

This was one of them......





Apple by Heather Spelts from tawney bevacqua on Vimeo.



Instead of weeping when a tragedy occurs in a songbird's life, it sings away its grief. I believe we could well follow the pattern of our feathered friends.

I am alive

I am opening a gate into a whole new realm of my consciousness
I kept it closed because I could feel the flood behind it
but the pressure was effecting my balance

I've always expressed my emotions
until a few weeks ago
until a few weeks ago I've never felt the need to express anger
Honestly. I can't remember feeling angry since my mom pulled all the clothes from underneath my bed that I was trying to hide

unlike my clothes I've never hid my feelings, it's just really easy for me to be happy
to see the big picture
plus, my face starts to hurt if I don't smile for awhile
any emotional event usually brought tears followed by a smile not to long after


I followed this trend and was feeling grand
and then a series of unfortunate and coincidental events got me thinking....
maybe I'm feeling something else now
but this doesn't feel so good
how can I request compassion and respect from a place of anger
and for the first time, I couldn't shake it

In a mediation I heard "surrender" but I miss understood it for avoidance
then I heard this....

I know you inside and out. and I know these people
everything coming from you is coming from compassion
you can't spell compassion without PASSION
you're not attached to these feelings
it's all coming from love
quit trying to be superhuman
if you get a sunburn, don't go out in the sun and pretend like you didn't just get a sunburn

not only have I been going out in the sun, but I've endured their pats on my burnt back over and over
one of them said... you have the opportunity to be a teacher here, giving me advice on what to say to the other
coming from someone who can't seem to learn anything from their own experiences non the less someone else's I did not listen

and the other?
posed as the sun and reached out a hand
seemed courteous enough for me to disregard the hearsay
and as I pat myself on the back for respectfully dismissing the deceiving plan that I heard,
I can feel the burn
while I have no intention of igniting the raging flame
in this moment I cannot extinguish the shock of intentional deceit

The who, what, when, where, why, and what ifs do not matter
there is no use for blame, excuses, or alternative outlooks on the action
it's in the emotion that I'm being

Maya Angelou said "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
This experience has made me feel new
the universe is demanding I step into my big shoes of love and fill them
in relationship, in career, day to day exchanges
I've sat back in the beginners mind and allowed myself to get too comfortable in the unknown
It is in my powerful trust and intuition extraordinary things will be accomplished
and it is in the balance of both, that my humble light can shine without being burned

a guru told me to carry around a picture of myself as a child and make sure that child is taken care of eternally

some people make the mistake of searching for someone or something else to make them happy
I made the mistake of knowing that I'm responsible for my happiness and not embracing the other inevitable emotions

here's to being human and not robots
we are alive

this is cute

just my luck

the process of getting ready

=

the fact that I despise brushing my hair + the velcro at the top of my wetsuit

=

I have some naughty dreads right now 

I live in a coffee table book

my head hurts after page after page of weheartit.com I just love photographs 

What's up with tumblr? what am I missing our on?

actually I think my head hurts from the way I slept last night

I still want to take a bath

work is slow today

our group is in Ghana

I'm here putting together a PSA (public service announcement) and let me tell you... gathering the movers and shakers of the entertainment and philanthropy world, along with a location is not the easiest task. The locations want to know who's coming, the celebrities want to know where and when AHHH I don't know people.... I thought I got out of this business. 

My transition out of freelance work has been smooth. The only tough part is driving to work everyday knowing I can do it all from home. The drive is easy, no traffic, and the people I work with are great, but if I haven't made it clear yet I'm pretty much obsessed with where I live. Can you blame me?

join me on a bike ride to venice... cause that's how we roll


from santa monica head south 

When you start to see the eccentric crowd you're approaching Venice 

as you pass through the side streets you'll see the most interesting homes

graffiti messages... I pass this one on my way to surf everyday

there is so much character in this place. It sparked ideas for multiple coffee table books (The doors of Venice, The people of Abbot Kinney)

I need a good camera. 

I need to go home.

now

more bike rides later

loving the lavender fox

instead of…

instead of… buying me roses that will grow stale and die, let’s get some seeds and give to the earth what they’ve been taking away.

instead of… taking me to an overpriced movie that will most likely end up being completely wretched anyways, let’s go outside and tell our own tale of conquest and fright - it won’t end how you want, once you get started it takes it’s own flight.

instead of… going to the completely overrated starbucks, let’s find a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop with the best coffee known to mankind.

instead of… going out to dinner, let’s ride our basket-bikes to the market and get supplies to make our own creation… even if it doesn’t taste all that great, the cupcakes will be amazing.

The only thing my place is missing

a good ol' bath
I crave baths
especially when I'm sore

I knew a guy that would say " Can I draw you a bath?"  just like the southern boys I grew up around

you can draw me anything you'd like sir
nothing would make me happier

Dear Barcelona,

you've been the topic of conversation a lot lately
your beautiful architecture
romantic music
vespas....

I believe a piece of my heart with you.... I'm just not sure if I left it graffitied on your sidewalks or the gentleman that's visiting you is holding on to it as he walks the streets I once walked

until we meet again.....

I'm always up for a hug

I was just asked to go hug Amma the hugging saint

Yes!

and bypass the line?

of course!

Amma’s Ashram - Diablo Magazine - June 2009 - East Bay - California

Then I discovered I was you

Playfully you hid from me.
All day I looked.

Then I discovered
I was you,

and the celebration
of That began

the best just because present

less human more being

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever...The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.

I've been so thankful for my kindred spirits lately

You know that friend.... who will finish your sentences for you? That friend you can laugh all day long with because, for some reason, everything you do together is hysterical? That friend who knows EVERYTHING about you? Who you can go anywhere with and it's not only easy, but fun? Who sees you just as you are and loves you for it? That friend who you can go a LONG time without seeing and whenever you do you pick up right where you left off?
That's Lauren.

Lauren and I met fresh out of high school. We both joined a performance group that toured around the world doing shows and teaching kids music. It allowed us to bond in a bubble where you were encouraged to be your silly self.

I was discovering myself through her reflection. I was her and she was me. She guided me through my first romantic escapades, I held her through family issues. We shared the loss of a friend. We lived in our first apartment together in Huntington Beach. We would smoke too much weed and pick up the 3 for $15 special at dominos. We would each eat a medium pizza.

We slept all day and made no money. Every Friday one person was in charge of buying an eighth while one person would skateboard to the surf shop where I worked and we would buy a new surf video. We got the same tramp stamp and pierced our tongues then took those out and pierced our noses. We took trips together and shared holidays.

I remember one day we were feeling extra girly and we cut out brides from a wedding magazine and pasted our faces over theirs. We cut out rings, locations, and had a question mark over the guy in the slick black suit.
Lauren moved to Hawaii and met the face to cover the question mark.

The combination of her island life and my jaunts around the world created some distance. Life happened so fast. Next thing I knew I was passing through Connecticut. Lauren and Joey drove hours in an awful storm so I could meet him and touch her big pregnant belly.

Despite the ring, the belly, and the time that had passed we picked up right were we left off. We couldn't let go of each other. We reminisced, reflecting on all the embarrassing things we did, but still make us laugh. We looked across the table at the amazing men we found, chatting and getting to know each other (and allowing us to be giggly little girls) we both gave each other that look..... How did we end up here? Look at our lives! Still side by side. I think it was then that I realized this is one of those friendships in the movies. A life long friendship. I should have realized that at 18 when we were tattooing "forever" on us, but it took her committing a fairy tale family to see that we had committed to a fairy tale friendship.
After some phone tag and another long overdue check in I talked to Lauren while I was crawling in bed last night. I immediately laughed at the memory of our famous gigantic blow up mattress that we shared for years.
Listening to her talk about the beauty that is her unexpected life brought me to tears.

I really wanted to know EVERYTHING she was feeling because, for the first time, I had no idea! She beautifully expressed the loneliness that can come from only hanging out with one little guy who can't talk, the struggle with her hubby having one of those 9-5s that just pays the bills, and the longing to be closer to her friends. But all those little hiccups didn't compare to the heartfelt joy she has for how life turned out; the honor in witnessing someone discover what they can do in the world and the feeling of love she shared with her dedicated husband.

Her smile was beaming through the phone and plastered on my face. Sharing the ups and downs of our now, very different lifestyles allows us to live vicariously through each other. Lauren reminded me that just because it's not time for me to have my little family yet doesn't mean I can't do everything for someone else. "Be a blessing everywhere you go." I'm going to continue trying to save the world so little Landon has a beautiful place to grow up and she's going to continue honoring her matrimony and preserving love so little Tawney has something to look forward too ;) We will do this for as long as we have too cause that's what friends are for. When you do something for someone else you also do it for yourself, plus we're all one big family anyway right?



Do you have someone in your life that reminds you how precious union is?