Ever feel like the internet allows you to check out of life?
I think we can all agree… YES. But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad
thing, in moderation. Either way I’ve always struggled with the idea that this
blog might be contributing to this issue. I mean, the internet on a whole still
trips me out on a daily basis. A blog is like a public journal in some ways.
Bizarre. And even though I LOVE how sharing stories allows us to see that we’re
all going through the same thing at different times, anything that takes you out
of the “here and now” of your own life is questionable.
But whenever I would start rejecting my little love child,
momentary lapse of reason, I would get a letter from a reader sharing how
coming to this space has contributed to their life. Because of this blog there
have been people I’ve never met donating to projects I’m passionate about. Those
exchanges have meant SO much to me and they continue to show me the power
behind this connection platform called the internet. Plus, they just added analytics to blogger and I was blown away by how many of you stop by every month. I didn't want to abandon all my new friends!
Besides healing, THIS is where I’ve been hiding the past
couple months. It’s my new love child and it feels wonderful!
Here’s my Live Like You’re On Vacation intro:
It all started when I went for a sunset surf after work with some friends. I had just finished a “long, hard” day of work, one of those days when I could have easily talked myself out of doing anything because I had already done “enough”. It’s amazing how we can talk ourselves out of the things we love the most, right? The sun was setting, the water was still, and my friends were smiling from the inside. I spanned the coast from the ferris wheel in Santa Monica to the Venice pier. “Sometimes when I’m home I feel like I’m on vacation”, I thought to myself. The “long, hard” day had disappeared.
“I HAVE A NEW MANTRA!!!!!” I yelled, disturbing the silence like a crazy hippie. The boys smirked at my ridiculousness, but couldn’t wait to hear what I’d come up with this time.
*LIVE LIKE YOU’RE ON VACATION*
All it takes is a shift in perspective. It’s not always easy; it’s a practice. Kayla is great at reminding me of the little things that can turn my day around or that I’m going crazy and need to get out of town. Sometimes all it takes is a reminder (unless you’re in a real rut ) and that’s what this space is for…. For all of us to remind each other that whether we’re stuck at a desk, just trying to pay the bills or stuck in the mud in Costa Rica there is always something new to see. I’m honored and SUPER excited to share this journey with you all.
...........Go take a look. You'll get what it's all about and my hope is that you'll leave LLYOV.org with more than you ever got out of this blog. I hope that you contribute stories, share it with you friends, and it makes you smile. Kayla and I started this from scratch and have no idea what we're doing :) We just launched and I couldn't wait to share it with all of you. Even though I didn't even know most of you were out there I feel like your insight and contributions could be the foundation for our project. Please take it and run with it, it's yours.
It’s been a life filled two months. That’s my way of saying
it’s been challenging, emotionally draining, and at times just straight up not
fun. Well, I’m just being honest. I’m human. Wooo hooo. I’m actually working on
being a little more emotional. Emotional sounds so negative so I made up a new
word- emotionfull. I had someone point out during a healing session for car
accident residual that I was crying and smiling at the same time. Luckily I’m
pretty confident that the reasoning behind the smile is the knowing that simply
– it’s all good. Then I hear my friend Jon’s voice in my head “don’t go out in
the sun and pretend like you didn’t just get sunburned”. So, even though I know
it’s all good I’m taking responsibility for numbing myself of pain and heartache
once in awhile. It’s tough to find that perfect balance between choosing rain
and also knowing the storm will pass.
I feel like it’s rainbow time now. There are still light
showers, but I can take a deep breath of fresh air and feel gratitude. The clouds
all rolled in at once.
A few months ago I started getting anxiety in the car. It
wasn’t extreme, but being someone who uses yoga and breathing to control her
nervous system this feeling of not being in control really caught me off guard.
A few days after that I had a pretty heated conversation with someone (which
doesn’t happen often) and it fired up my nerves in my face that were damaged in
the accident and they literally ached for a day. I was really checking in with
the mind body connection and how we hold on to memories and experiences. The
latest need for healing is in surfing. I had to get out of the water on two
different occasions because I was feeling so uncomfortable and not safe. I think it’s about the same issue of
needing to feel control paired with the freak unfortunate set when you have to
take a deep breath and take it to the face. That was my least favorite thing
about surfing even before the accident. My face is done “taking it”. But it’s
surfing, it’s my favorite thing in the world. It’s incredibly healing. It’s the
perfect balance of grounding and freeing. Not being able to find that in myself
was heartbreaking. *fall to my
knees with fists in the air and emotionfull* “WHY?!?!”
“Why?” why do we always ask ourselves these questions that
don’t have answers? Or do they have a million answers!?! When I feel the need
to fall to my knees and ask “Why?” a little angle isn’t going to land on my
shoulder and say “Well, you got in this accident because _____ and your feeling
this now because _____.” Those ideas are for me to play with. I say play with
because it’s silly to attach myself to some reasoning that will bring temporary
relief. It’s not about figuring out the whys? It’s like that quote we’ve heard so many times. “It’s about
the journey not the destination.”
Alas another year of healing. 2010 was all about healing
too. I embrace it; it’s made me feel more human. I think 99% of the time there
is something that needs healing within us and it’s easy to ignore. But I can’t
really ignore it if my body is aching because of it. Reminds me of the
beginning of last year when I was trying to figure out what was wrong in my
relationship before my boyfriend at the time told me he had been unfaithful.
There was a week of knowing something was wrong, but I was ignoring my
intuition and looking in all the wrong directions. I got multiple styes in both
eyes. My body was showing me that I wasn’t seeing things clearly. I truly
believe that. I never had syes before and I haven’t had them since.
Ever since then I’m fully aware when I’m ignoring my
intuition. They don’t call it a gut instinct for no reason. We can actually
feel these things in our body. Sure, it still happens, but it feels so much
more empowering to trust and acknowledge what makes my stomach turn instead of
pushing it down.
I’m continuing to observe this mind body connection daily. I’ve witnessed how
it’s impacted so many different aspects of my life. It’s caused me to do a lot
of looking inward, which in turn has allowed me shine out (finally! It took
some time) I’ve let love in and let love go. I’ve started new adventures and
reminisced on the ones I’ve already been on. I’ve done a lot of forgiving.
The Universe said this morning tawney,
each challenge adds to the suspense, adds to the mystery, adds to the chaos,
adds to the possibilities, adds to the romance, adds to the adventure, adds to
And I say anything that adds to the joy should be embraced.
I can't believe it's been so long! I've been the worst, but I promise it's because big things are coming. Things that involve more reading material, more fun, and more living like your on vacation and I need to to be a part of it so hang tight :)
It was my first time using film in awhile. I got gifted a little leica C3 and can't wait to play with it more. Burning Man is such a photogenic place i kinda wish I had my digital, but it was nice to take a break.
I had the pleasure of going with a couple SUPER talented photographers. Here are some of James' gems.
photos by James Branaman
a few from others
I don't know who took this but it was one of my favorite moments. William a Venice neighbor and friend invented the Earth Harp which was built into the temple this year. This is a yummy sunset yoga sesh